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They live upstairs and downstairs porn movies are shot and erotic parties take place. Maurice, Laura and Eva in the morning getting ready for school and work.

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It's to Therme Erding's new indoor water park, a short walk through the children's thermal playground, that we head to first. Known as Galaxy, it's a mile or so of state-of-the-art slides, chutes and rapids.

We take an elevator up to the highest slide yep, no stairs to climb here and recline on a two-person inflatable sofa.

In front of us is a tunnel so wide that you could drive a Fiat Panda through it. It's not an auspicious start. A tidal surge urges us into the abyss.

My spatial awareness is governed only by my wife's open-mouthed screams and the g-force in the pit of my stomach.

At times our inflatable chair corkscrews upwards, thrust uphill by powerful rapids. For a full minute we spiral downwards in pitch darkness, a sensory deprivation jarred by jets of ice water in the face.

We're then dumped from a height — still screaming — into a bath-like pond. My wife utters a string of expletives that translates as: "I never want to go on another slide again.

I sense the mood calls for gentler pursuits. We head to the Vitality Oasis, the largest and strictly adult-only section of the spa.

A giant billboard of a nude couple makes clear that we're about to enter a compulsory clothes-off zone. We buzz our wristbands at the electronic gate and drop our towels.

The first people we see are two teenage boys. Goofy, gangly and whiter than a weisswurst, they are hardly hardy specimens of Bavarian youth. Yet they are as comfortable with their nakedness as I would have been mortified at the same age.

With a new sense of liberation we walk around the main Vitality Oasis lake. Similar to the Tropical Paradise pool, it's an inviting mineral-rich pond surrounded by Japanese steam baths, bubble massagers and hundreds of white reclining loungers.

We try to bag one as a base for our things newspapers, books and iPods are allowed, cameras are verboten. But old stereotypes die hard.

Despite signs pleading against the habit, every single seat is reserved with a towel. As we float lazily in main herbal pool we spy a place for quiet pint.

Therme Erding may boast an array of eateries from a Caribbean restaurant nude to a schnitzel joint clothed but nothing speaks holiday like a sunken pool bar.

It's a slice of pure Tahiti, ringed by as many palm fronds and parasols as appear in their day-glo cocktails. We perch on bar stools, bottoms just below the high-water mark.

Others prop up the bar and chat up the barmaid. LeBlanc calls for solemn reverence in his church. After seeing enough Diocese-sanctioned services, that seems like a pretty damn good idea.

Underwear night definitely operates under the premise "less is more. The house lights aren't the only thing that drops at 9 p. It's not necessary to bare most of your bod to enjoy the evening, but there is a buck off the cover charge reward for those brave souls who decide to strip down or just show up in their undies.

Now, there's a lot of competition for this honor. We've read of pedophiles in Arizona who've each accosted scores of children. But Warren Jeffs, prophet of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has not only had sex with minors himself, he's required multitudes of his followers to commit the crime since he took over as Polygamyland's top dog from his dad.

Between Rulon and Warren, the Jeffses have forced young girls into sexual slavery for a couple of generations now. Which is why the FBI had the junior Jeffs on its Most Wanted list since August , and why he was eventually nabbed on a highway in southern Nevada this summer and sent to face charges first in Utah and then in Arizona.

His polygamist community of Colorado City, Arizona, and Hildale, Utah, straddles the state line. Here's how Jeffs' nifty little religion works: Church doctrine holds that the prophet marry loyal male followers to as many "wives" as the prophet deems appropriate.

What power! Girls as young as 14 have been required to submit to this rule and bed down with guys old enough to be their grandfathers.

Some men those Jeffs really likes, naturally have been granted scores of brides. If men and women do not submit to this doctrine, they are banned from the community, stripped of their families and denied entrance into the "Celestial Kingdom.

And we thought those terrorists who bombed the World Trade Center were crazy for thinking their actions would merit them a passel of virgins to bang in the wild blue yonder!

But back to Jeffs: When we got a gander of him on TV in his jail jumpsuit, we realized he was lucky to be born into polygamy. A guy that skinny and scary would never get laid any other way.

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